I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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