Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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