i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
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Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
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Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize