Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
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I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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