Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
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you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
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I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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