We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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