Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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