He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
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He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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