Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
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did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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