just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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