woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize