can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I look better un-naked...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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