They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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