Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize