i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize