Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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