I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize