The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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