There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
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I miss vodka workout Fridays
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
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Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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