I need help removing her.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
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Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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