So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
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someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
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Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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