I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize