how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize