I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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