Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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