I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
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If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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