Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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