I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
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Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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