Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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