I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
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Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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