But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize