when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
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The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
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All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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