Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
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Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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