I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize