I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
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Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
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I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize