her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
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if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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