Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
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He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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