Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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