If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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