I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize