so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
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I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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Blow job season was short but glorious.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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