Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
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I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
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He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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