This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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