Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize