You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Vodka?
Forever.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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