the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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