Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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