you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
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Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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