HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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