i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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